Action plans

In one month I'll be an aunt... In fact if they have predicted the right time of the birth I'll already be an aunt this time next month. They told that my sister is goin' to give birth on 12th of June but it's possible that the birth will be delayed.
I just can't believe how quickly the time has passed. It seems like yesterday when my sister told me she was pregnant... It was almost 8 months ago.. More than a half year ago.. 2/3 of a year ago :O

It still seems unbelievable... Imagine how much our lives will change in just one month. Many things will change but I can't say that nothing will be the same again. From no on we'll have to think twice before we act... There's gonna be one more member in our family.

I wonder whether it's a boy or a girl. My sister didn't want to know and I'm so overly excited to see. I hinted my sister what's gonna be the baby's future. I threatened her that one day after I have looked after the kid they will return home and the baby is gonna have a green mohawk stickin out from its head. She was like "yeah, right...!!" forgettin that ten minutes ago she obliged me to babysit her child when she would go out.
Maybe if it's a girl she can have a pink mohawk...
I often feel it's a girl but sometimes if think it's a boy.. After all it's the same to me.. As long as it is :D

This year I planned to go to Provinssi festival but of course.. wrong timing..
And I remember last year when I said that the next summer I would go to Greece at the beginnin of June.. bwahahhaa.. change of plans.. at the end of June.. and of course I have to come back earlier because of the baby's christenings.
My sister and her boyfriend thought that I should be the baby's godmother because there are not many orthodox we know in Finland.. though in Greece I was made an orthodox happily in Finland I'm in the civil register and I would have to join some congregation to become the baby's godmother... No thanks!! And who wants his/her godmother to be an atheist??

Ooooh.. And I'm gonna spoil that baby as much as I can so in the end it will say "I wanna live with aunt Emmi", "aunt Emmi would let me do that" and "let's go to see aunt Emmi!!"
And by the age of 25 I expect high level trips abroad and expensive gifts from my future nephew/niece...



mwhahahahaaa

Brainwashin'

Because of the premiere I woke up few hours too early. Though there was nothing "instructive"
coming on TV I decided to watch something. The best I could find was Dr.Phil. Today he told about a religious father that kidnapped his own two daughters and took them into a little and deeeeeeeply religious community in Belize. There they had no electricity and running water... They believed TV and high school were harmful... They followed the bible and so on. They did whatever the bible told them, whatever jesus told them. In the beginning the girls didn't like the idea. They didn't want to live with their father. They wanted to live with their mum and like their peers... normal life but their father was so religiously brainwashed that he was sort of blind of seeing his daughters' opinions.

So they were in that community for one year until of course Dr.Phil took the mission to rescue them. All three were found and taken back to the States. By that time the two girls were of course brainwashed. They started liking the way of life they had been living, they didn't want to live with their mum. They wanted to live in that little community and that lifestyle because god told them so.
Those girls were so vulnerable and scared when their father took them into that religious community. Of course they brainwashed them. They poisoned their minds. In the end of course they started believing. They were both teenagers. The age when the impact of others influences your life. Imagine if everyone around you were religious and you had been a bit religious in the past. You believed in god before you came into that little community. The people in that community had a interesting way of living. They dressed like in the 19th century, used horses and so on. That lifestyle was interesting in its own way. Your mind would have been so easily poisoned and brainwashed. They would teach you lot of things and how god made them... and of course you would believe that cause your father stopped you of going to school and so learning all those things in the way that they really are.
I think it's disgusting. The whole thing. I mean all the things that happen around us all the time. Every single bad thing. People dying, hunger, greed politics shit etc. People are so vulnerable and they couldn't stand the pressure of the world. They start believing in god and immediately the world seems a better place. People hate the thing that they have holes in their knowledge. In the past when the technology and people's knowledge weren't yet developed people wanted to explain the "miracles" that happened around them. It was something higher... something good, something that would save them... GOD!! Not the physics can explain them but... religion is religion, right?

asdfgthjk

Do you ever have this feeling... That though you feel like you have so many things to write about nothing will come out? Though you try so much?? :S

Maybe if trying a bit later ...

ILLUSION

It was ALMOST a backward day today but miracles may happen. Okey, I admit that i still haven't touched that psychology book but I have time, right? Well today I achieved something... I made the best pizza ever... the best pizza i've ever made... though it sucked let's admit it... the pizza's bed was crap... (taste?? nope)... but it had a crispy crust thoughhhhh..!! tuna from cans and some cheese...

Now mom asked me to go out for a walk with her...awsaws.. now i feel like studying but perhaps doing something instructive as well some times.. could be good too...

Blending Worthless Shit

Have you heard the phrase "think twice before you act" ? Or was it "act twice before you think" ? The miracle of levit-- of the day!! Your saviour!! Considering that you didn't enjoy your day so far... And if you did this text may make you feel a bit bored and it could ensure that this text is full of crap (and the writter is a nutcase) which doesn't worth the attention of your expensive time.

Now, if you feel like this then you should go and watch "The Days of Our Lives" where people really enjoy themselves with the glory of other people. Or maybe "The Bold And the Beautiful" where some kook and lusty capitalists change partners as regularly as people are killed in Iraq.

Haha! This text has no meaning, does it? Again... What does? Does Bush's life have a meaning? Or was it mother nature's biggest mistake to create that little tiran? Maybe Bush's life has no cause but Bush really and truly believes that it has. I don't know but something is seriously wrong in that little monkey's undeveloped head.

NOW MAYBE, JUST MAYBE (!!) I SHOULD GO AND STUDY!!

when you can't have everything

Should I be happy now? I have a diary but I haven't used it after I came from Greece more than one month ago. I promised that the diary would be full by summer but it seems to be a lie. Some time ago I liked to write. Even writting some stupid daubs were fun and they gave inspiration to write even more. What has happened? Lately I think I've done nothing. Complaining about the lack of time though I do nothing. When was the last time I wrote a long text? Loooong time ago. I say school takes a lot of time... but I don't really do my homework every day. I don't seem to sit in front of the telly either. It's strange.
Right now I should be in my room studying psychology but hey, I sit in front of the pc and try to spend my time by doing nothing. I've made some improvement though. I've cancelled my accounts in some sites. I don't really remember what used to do in the web. There are few sites that I visit almost daily but they are starting to be boring and I've forgotten some of them. I really don't know how to spend my time here though.

Today would be the legendery concert I had been waiting for sooo long time. Turbonegro's concert in Tampere.. A whole bloody concert with one of the best bands in the whole fucking world! Wow!! But I forgot that my luck isn't the best so of course nothing goes perfectly... Turbonegro's guitarist gets seriously ill just before the tour. Perfect! The whole tour in Europe is now cancelled... and US's as well. Ok, I understand. Of course I want the guitarist's best and I hope he gets better soon and will be ready to go on stage but... Just pissing.
Again if the concert hadn't been cancelled I wouldn't have been able to buy Sex Pistols' concert's tickets (that came out today). Yeah!! They are coming to Finland!! Sooo awsome!! I really didn't believe this day would come that I could say "Hey! I'm gonna see Sex Pistols live very soon!!" but sometimes people are lucky. Though... you never know.. who lives until the end of summer but again can this go even worse so the Pistols' concert would get cancelled..?? That'd be really really rotten luck. Seeing your favourite band live has to be a great feeling... Maybe one of the best feelings ever.

So now if you think the quote "Everything happens for a reason" ... now I might even believe it. Really if Turbonegro had come to Finland I wouldn't have had enough money to go to the Pistols' concert. So in a way I'm glad they didn't come... but again.. They are the world's second best band... It's kind of comlicated but again it's as clear as it could be... I'm sad that Turbonegro isn't coming but I'm glad that Sex Pistols are -- You can't have everything!

blaa

Yesterday I had this situation goin'. Watched some tv.. got pissed.. watch the news.. got even more pissed.. wrote somethin.. maybe it's not good but i like it.. and that matters.. anyway.. a lot of sarchasm is used.. in the matter of fact .. in the beginnin' i just wanted to say something bad about the Finns.. but somehow it ended up tellin about the Americans...mostly. But i refer it to the whole world.. Some parts are odd.. maybe they aren't understandable... though they have their meaning... but maybe you can get the point

What have we done
oh, lord.. what have we done?
We are so good, we are so pure
we see the world as it is
but still we didn't win the gold

We care about the world
we do what we've been told
we give money to get a better future
so they will save our culture

See, our society is helping
but the others are just tempted
they take all we give and ask for more
to whom shall it be given for?

The goverement is true
(it is not a zoo!)
it builts up a better economy
because that's what we need (/want)
money, money, money
(it's not funny)

We are not greed
we just make a lot
and have a lot to invest
(we really are the best!)

See? We really helped
whoooops ... 1000 died...
Let's take off a zero
(you really are a hero!!)

We take what we want
(and we meen only good)
and don't say we don't give back!

We may take some oil
but we give it back...
...look up!!

The truth can be changed
like everything in this world
and the secret is been hold...

backwardness

Now it's the time of dealing with confusion. This strange feeling has been formed slowly but then all these unriddled issues are piled. Now they have become great enormous stacks that need to be solved. You see the stack that is piling in front of your eyes but you are just too lazy and too incapable of doing something. You need to do this and you need to do that but ... backward. You say tomorrow I'll deal with this issues. I will solve them out and get enough time to do other things. But it doesn't got that way, does it?

For example: Let's say that I need to read a book for a school project (unfortunately this is a fact). You have been given two weeks to read a book. The idea itself isn't difficult. You say. I'll read at least 20 pages a day or a chapter a day... Then the book is read and I'm ready and I don't have to stress about it anymore.
You read the first 20 pages and then what? You through the book at the corner and say "later"... Then you'll forget about that book. Your subconscious reminds you about that book but you pull that idea away and say "tomorrow"... It stresses you a bit... Days go by... then the first week. Then you remember that book. You say that you need to read it but after all you'll start reading it about 72 hours before the deadline and you finish it two minutes before the teacher asks you about the book.
This happens to me. Everytime.

When you need to do something but ...

These days I have a big thing going on. In these days I must make some choices that will affect my future and my career. I need to choose what I want to study next year(the courses) and finally decide which subjects I'm gonna study for the finals. Yeah, I do have the major idea going on.. BUT... We have a course limit and we can't take more than the limit. Now I've though that I will take more science and drama. I have four languages... too much .. must take something off but can't decide what.. and I have about 12 hours left... BACKWARDNESS

Otherwise it's been a great day. I learned a great deal of things today. In psychology I learned more about children's development and was surprised of how many things in your mental developing are depending on your biological base!! Then I learned the rules of Finnish language's commas..
Wohoo.. anyway and we shall not forget about the personal and private stuff..

and I'm too backward to correct my mistakes I've done...

Lost without

The feeling of failure. The feeling of not getting something that you NEED.. not something you just want. The feeling when you feel that you have the worst luck... that you are the unluckiest person in the world. When you are waiting for something so much, so hard.. and you are not getting it. When you pray for getting something and though you think and you are sure that you have achieved it with all that hard work and waiting.. you don't. That moment's biggest wish doesn't become true. Feeling blue. Confused. And a fear that something stupid and unwanted will happen... That my heart will get broken. I'm afraid that I will see the scene which is my worst fear right now.

Maybe I shouldn't be so stressed about this... but can't help it..
These feelings I hate. Right now I'm feeling all those. I know I sound stupid and very ansty but can't help my feelings. I hope tomorrow I feel better.

How To Become A REAL Finn

Finland.
A big country up north. Media has written a lot about it at least in Europe...and Asia. The are many reasons... Finland won the Eurovision song contest in 2006 and hosted the show one year later. Some popular bands are from Finland like Him, Rasmus and now Negative has popped out and makes a great success in Asia at least. Also because Finland has a big role in the EU last year. Ok, Finland also has Santa Claus and other strange and "fascinating" things like big forests and thousands of lakes. Though Finland is a big country geographically there are just 5 million people living mainly in the South of the country. I was shocked when I discovered that there are people around the world that like Finland and want to come here... Finland and tourists? Well ... yeah.. Many tourists come to Finland but is this going to increase?
Anyway. Today when I was coming home and I was sitting it the bus I took my notebook and wrote down some ideas of How To Become A Real Finn... I was looking around me and saw those bored little Finnish faces and got the idea.
So here is something that you can start with if you really wanna become a Finn:

Here are some rules and things you must know and do first:

1. You gotta have the nationality of Finland. If you have it then great ... if you don't move to Finland or marry some Finnish drunk and get one.

2. You have to learn Finnish. The Finns are proud of their country and their language. Everyone should be able to speak the language of the country they are living in.

3. Learn how to swear in Finnish. Every Finn knows how to swear and curse when needed. The words are powerful and everyone can express their feelings by using them. You can start with the words "perkele" which is the best and e.g. "saatana".

4. If you are a man you have to get a big belly. Go to the nearest pub and ask for a big portion of the best and greasiest beer. If you already have it then GOOD JOB! You are one step closer of becoming a great Finn!! The style of your hair is free: Long, short, greasy, clean ... You see all kind of hair in Finland. But don't dye them with extreme colours if you are more than 30 years old.

p.s. You gotta buy a big XXL t-shirt when you have a big belly that says: "I love Finland"

5. If you are a woman/girl you have to dye your hair BLOND. The longer the better. It must also be cute, neat and well brushed. The older women mustn't dye their hair blond. Otherwise it will make them shine in the crowd and that's a bad thing! Finnish people may think they are crazy. So older women can just cut their hair short and wear the ugliest hat they find.

p.s. Blue eyes prefered

6. You must not shine in the crowd! People may think you are stupid or they will guess that you really aren't a genuine Finn.

7. Silence is gold. You have to learn to keep your mouth shut as much as possible. Finns are a quiet society and they don't damage their vocal cords if not needed. They respect silence and they expect people to be quiet. In the bus you shan't talk to those who sit next to you. Whoooops!! That's a big mistake. In the shop you just make your stuff but ask as little help as possible. And if you speak then you must speak quietly so the lady ahead of you won't hear.

8. Pride. Finnish are very proud of their history. They still remember every single part of every war and how proud and strong they were. Every year the make dozens of new films which tell about the same war but in different perspectives. They are proud of everything they have done. If they win a competition it will be the number one topic in the news and they are going to talk about it for the next few years. Winning is important. When they compete they have to win otherwise they are bad and they try to find different things that went wrong. I mean… Losing wasn’t their fault… The Finns will gladly talk about their history and everything that is Finnish and popular in other countries. So you have to learn a lot about the Finnish history before you can claim to be a true genuine Finn.

So here are the most important things you must accept and do if you want to become a true Finn. The society is also split into three categories: the poor, the middle class and the rich. Though in my opinion, a true Finn is either a poor person or a rich manager. So when you become a Finn you will have to choose in which category you want to go.

Let's start with the poor one:

The poor/ the drunk

This is easy to become. Go to a technical school and become a logger or something that is easy to become. Then get a job and a wife. You will soon move to a block of flats and start living a traditional Finnish life. You will watch all the popular shows and series that come on the TV and of course the Tangomarkkinat and the Eurovision. Soon you will make one or two kids. The marriage will hold for a couple of years but then you will become unemployed. Your wife will leave you and take the kids with her. After a lot of trying to get her back she will stop you of meeting her and your kids and in the end she will get a restraining order so you won't be able to go even near to your kids or your wife. After that dramatic point of your life you will find a new good friend: alcohol. You will start drinking and getting some help from the social services. You will start hanging around the nearest shop that sells alcohol and eventually you will move outside of that shop on the bench next to the door. You eat sausages, pizza and all kind of fast food that is cheap and quick to eat. You will become very fat and ill. In the end you are going to die because of a heart failure, big liver damage or some else diseases that are caused with alcohol and fast food.

Rich people

This need lots of hard work and a hell of a good luck. Let's say that it is almost impossible to become rich in Finland unless you were born rich. When you get your way up high on the clouds made of money your life will become easy. You will marry a beautiful woman and you will a built a huge and expensive house (bigger than your neighbour's). Your wife will become pregnant and after few years you will have two kids running and screaming around the house. Your wife will make you breakfast every morning before you go to very ÜBER special and important meetings. She will be waiting for you when you get home. Eventually she will start getting tired with the kids alone at home. She will become fat and the beautiful and neat wife of yours will become an untidy bored housewife. Soon you will find yourself a lover. A beautiful young girl. You will start doing "overtime" at work. After few months/years of secrets your wife will find out what you have been doing (she will get a suspicious call or she will read a message sent by her in your ÜBER new, expensive high technology phone). She will leave you and you will be seeing your kids few times a month. In the end you are going to die in a car crush when you are rushing into a meeting and speaking on the phone at the same time with your second "secret" lover. After your death your children will inherit your money and hate you for the rest of their lives.

So here is some ideas and thoughts of how you will achieve a great happy Finnish life!! After following these instructions you will be ready to call yourself a REAL FINN!!

sit up whole night

Well now the exams are finally gone. No tests.. I passed the chemistry test.. without any troubles though i was almost sure that i failed it and i had to redo it. I almost didn't sleep last night cuz I was studyin geography.. which actually in the end was worth it. The exam went almost perfectly and I even wrote a two-page essay about weathering. I'm proud cuz it was an area that I really knew a lot about. The side effects of sittin up so late were tiring. The day was a living hell expect some moments.. and just some right!

In the Finnish class I was actually bored that I wrote a poem and a text cursing every single class in my school.. but that's ok.. i like my school but today it seemed to bother me.

The poem is called When Shit Happens

One two
I run into the loo
got some bacteria
and now I got the diaria

I'm fucked
cuz the drugs are packed
too tight to be opened
with all kinds of plastic
isn't it fantastic?

I hate lookin at the mirror
cuz what I see
is not me
I'm thin, nice and young
but I just see a scum

Havin' troubles to succeed
cuz I can't eat
cuz I'm too fat
and I look like a rat

Thinkin' of commitin' a suicide
Shootin' paralyzed
I love to hate
I hate to love
But no can do
expect smellin' some poo



Yeah.. maybe i should really do something developing in those classes.. but really if you are at a situation that you could kill someone to get some sleep.. that kind of poem can really be something small and innocent.
And for tomorrow I need to read about 100 pages of a BOOOORING book... But gotta read it.. cuz we will make some difficult exercises after that and we have to show our works in front of the whole fuckin class.. soo.. yeah.. fucked up .. but everything happens for a reason?? Or does it?? I dunno.. gonna think of that another time then.. but for now.. I'm off!!

library adventure & old familiar faces

Here we ago again. I have a problem. I need to get a history book called Forum by tomorrow. The Tampere's library doesn't got it anymore cause of course everyone else from my class has taken the others. So what to do? I need it cause I have a essay to write. We have to write about the topic that is given to us and we can use the book so we can write a PERFECT essay.. right.. Yeah. So this is like an excersize to learn how to write better essays. But this is the funny thing. The teacher informed us today about it. She told us how to write better etc. But guess who wasn't there?? I wasn't.. I was at Clasu tellin to those teen students to come to our school. The good thing is that we saw Pasi and Ratas.. :DDD and the hairy woman.. our new principal.. i had forgotten her. Yeah..But we didn't see IKSY though we would have wanted. :(( Maybe next Monday?
Well have to solve out this one.. maybe i should go to Messukylä's library to get it.

Now that I'm here in this library I noticed that the noices that these keyboards make are unstandable!! Yeah I noticed that at school as well.. but the girl next to me writes quick and loud... :( so irritating.. so i try not to write that loud.. but gotta goooooooooooooooooooooo

no gods no masters

Religion. I really don't believe in that. Actually I believe that religions are human's stupid creations so he could feel safe and somehow explain the unexplainable things for him. If there was someone there up high watching over us... why is he letting us do everything.. we do? Why would he create human? To destroy ourselves? To destroy the world and everything along with it? I doubt it. That's not the God that the Christians are talking about... Why would he create this unperfect stupid humanity. What about the equality? Why would he make humanity .. make people suffer and then destroy themselves?? I mean that's crazy... Human just feels safer when he knows that everytime he wakes up and leaves for work someone is looking over him and is making sure that he will come back home safe... Still people die everyday.. ("It was God's will...") How hard is it to us to understand that we really are here alone.. No one is up there making our life better. It just our mind's own creation for us so we would feel safe and prevent us not becoming crazy. I mean some people are too vulnerable to come face to face with the truth... So they belive.

I'm free. I'm free to believe. I don't believe in gods, masters or any kind of witchcraft. Just too stupid and adolescent. We are here alone and that's it. The science is against it. I mean for example the Christianity says that the world is only couple of thousands of years old. That God created the universe just a minute ago? LOL... I mean science can totally prove the evolution... Why bother? Has no one ever seen God? No.. Was there jesus?.. perhaps..but he was just a little bloke who was out of his mind but still had some healing powers.

I believe in powers ... I believe in energy. Everything is energy. Everything we touch, we see and all that we can't see and feel. Energy doesn't disappear or reproduce. It just moves on and changes places. It's everywhere. People can use energy. They can do miracles and big things but they have to learn how to control their own energy channel. All those big things like miracle healings is just innocent energy which has been used right. When someone really believes in something and really really wants it... he will make it. It's just the decision.We are energy when we die... our body dies and rottens but the energy we had in stays. That's what people call ghosts and spirits .. really they are drifts of energy. The energy then passes to the next object and so on.

If there was God this world would be a better place. If there was God there wouldn't be hungry little children around the world suffering from hunger.. there wouldn't be wars and rascist hate... there would be more happiness.. I still don't mean that everything would be perfect but at least ten times better than now. People wouldn't be so stupid and demolishing their own lives.

beautiful bloody day

You know those days when you wake up and you have the sence that the whole day is gonna go like hell? Well, I had this feeling today. Perhaps because I have my Chemistry exam today and I've not real read almost at all. I've been readin theses last 40 minutes but now I can't read a word more. All in all I have read about an hour. Great, isn't it? Well I don't care if I fail.. well i do but it wouldn't piss me off or suprise me.. and I can always redo it.
Yeah. So now I have about 20 minutes time to read and study how to count the amount of atoms of some liquid or somethin. I have no idea. As long as I pass the test in the end.
I feel really odd today. My legs are aching because I had boxin training the before yesterday and my muscles are really hurting.. and my stomach but that will go away... by tomorrow i hope.
Tomorrow.. Great.. Few friends of mine and I will go to our old school to introduce TYK so .. yeah.. brilliant.. after all this prepare something to say.. well i don't have no one to blame.. after all i wanted it.. We have to make this "speech" to three different classes.. brilliant that too.. one would be enough but ... here we go
Anyway... perhaps i should leave this computer corner cause behind me there is sitting a boy who has a terrible cough ... REALLY TERRIBLE and I've been listening to this for 40 minutes.. and i'm startin to get pissed off.. and stressed because of the test... so byebye.

vibrating food

Today I have been thinkin about food.. not the meanin that I'd like to eat but the whole food culture itself. Interestin really. My mam is goin to Greece this Easter... She will be a kind of tour leader. She will lead them in different places and they'll taste all kind of Greek food.. They will travel around Crete and visit valleys and famous places. Delicious... but I can't afford to go with them.
There was an article in the newspaper today. About Britain's food problem. The Scottish are the second fattest community followin the superior USA which is leadin by being the fattest society in the world. Not a big suprise though. I was thinkin that if I ever go to England and live there, I won't allow my kids to eat hamburgers and chips. Well, the truth is I won't be able to follow them around everywhere they go and see what they eat but I'll make sure that when they are home they'll eat something that is really alive.
My mam, who is a walkin nonfiction book about food tells my a lot of interesting things about food. Something that I haven't heard before. She knows all about them. Really. And though I know what I should eat and what I shouldn't I still don't follow the healthy rules.
For example one very funny thing she said... And after that I have tried to stay away from the microwave:
There was made a study about what happens to the food in the microwave. It is known that the food "lives". There has been noticed that food vibrates. Spooky really. I have seen pictures that show the movement and it's really really spooky to see that the food you eat really lives. Vegetables and fruits vibrate a lot and again meat almost doesn't vibrate at all. The more the food vibrates the better. If it vibrates it means it is alive. So back to the microwave. There was a test where water was put into two glasses. The other glass was put into the microwave and the other wasn't. After the glass came from the microwave it was left to cool. Then they put a flower into both of the glasses. And guess what happened to the flowers? Yes, the flower that was put into the microwave water died after a while as the other flower still lived. So here we see that microwave really kills the food. Those microwaves really destroy the food and after that the food is so said "dead" and there is no nutrition left. So if you make food it is better if you warm your food up with the usual oven or use with the cooker. And it is also known that microwave harms people around it but now we also know that it destroys the nutrition of the food.

Yeah that's about the food issue.

boooooring :P

It looks like the time goes so fast. I mean... One week has passed and it feels like one day. Maybe it was the lack of something... And I was waiting for it... Yesterday was Sunday and I had my theater class .. though I didn't go it feel like one week passed two times quicker than usually. Anyway. Today I got what I wanted and now I can wait for tomorrow................ Two times... Enough... Well it's never enough but I have to live with it .. until (I hope) one day..
Now.. I'm havin my art class.. the teacher isn't at school.. we are just sittin in the class.. there are only 5 pupils left.. everyone else has left. I made my comic that I had to do.. now i have some spare time.. I would have left but I promised to my friend that I would go to the school's dinner together... Soo.. can't goo.. Anyway.. havin a boring time.. have to do somethin
Now I brought my woodoo doll with me... I'll make a piece of art with it.. a lot of blood and and and and spikes and and.. nawwwss.. 20 mins to gogogogogoooooo..... lalalalalalalaaa... I'm sining 4 songs at the same time: Get it on, Boys from nowhere, We're gonna drop the atom bomb and Stroke the shaft... Hhiiihiiii.. lalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I want my mp3 back or somethin that plays music.. now I just have to live with youtube, pc's music and cd:s... but what about when I'm sitting in the bus.. ?? Lalalalala.a.a.as.. ... I wanna go somewhere.. In England .. Greece!! Anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok.. startin to get nervous.. So I should better go and do somethin with my woodoo doll.. decorate it with blooooood??? .. (paint)

BBABABABAA!!

No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs

These past weeks I've been readin a book (No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs) written by Sex Pistols' vocalist John Lydon alias Johnny Rotten. It has take me much time 'cause I have a lot of school work but these last two days I've read it as much as I had spare time (expect my boxin exercises) ... It's my second time I'm readin this book but at first time I was too stupid and young enough for not gettin it. Now I'm readin it again and it has totally won over me.

John Lydon .. he is the best of them all. He says all the things how he wants without any doubts ... he doesn't keep things in secrecy.. no, he tells everythin straight and clear and I love it. I love his philosophy... that sarcastic.. that hate against the community and the rebellion against the traditions. I have agreed with him in every part (expect when he said that he wasn't a good singer). He was always so different.. somethin that we call individual... but he really was one. Compared to what we call individuals these days.

Lydon is a irritatin person... some people love it and the others hate it. I love it. He has never lied and never will.

You should see a video which has an interview of him!! LOL he is adorable!!

He and his friends started the punk movement though many "I-am-wise people" say that punk movement started before the Sex Pistols and that Sex Pistols stole their style from other bands.

I say it's bullshit. In the 70s if someone wore torn jeans and shirts that were hold together with many safety pins and safety pins hungin from his ears, people would say he was crazy and dangerous. Still Lydon created his own style dressing up like that... He dressed up like he wanted. He wanted to irritate people.. and he was succeeded!! And he was the first one... When they got a bit famous and people started immitating and so on... like spitting!

You have heard that in punk concerts people spit on the stage... But do you know why? Why it started? Well, Johnny started it. By accident of course. He didn't want it to happen but people immatated him.. everything he did.

See it started because Johnny has a problem with his maxillary sinus. So every now and then he had to spit. He didn't spit towards the crowd but at the corner of the stage. The fans didn't get it so they started spitting. Spitting on the stage... So the spittin in punk concerts started like that. Fun, huh?

Anyway. I just love him. He is a person who says what he thinks. He doesn't care if people don't like him. He is just who he is. It's hard to explain... You just have to read the book to understand it... Well you can listen to Pistols' songs cause they can truly mean what they say. A band which created chaos. Their songs are full of anarchy, chaos, riots. E.g. the song called "Vacant pretty" and "God save they queen" can really define them all. They wanted people to get that they are livin in a nation that was controlled by others and some people got it some people were just to blind and egoistic and stupid and...

That is one of the many many reasons why I love the Sex Pistols.. They are just so different!!

A country livin' in sickness

All right here it comes. Day by day I hate this country even more.. all those people.. all those dim-witted jurks who think they are bloody well educated and perfectly sophisticated. Well, I don't think so. These days people look for comfort. Either it's living, food, education, money etc.. They are lookin at their own bellies and they don't give a shit about those other poor people all around the world.."We are just a little humble country here up north(...)... We won't hurt anybody.. We don't give a damn about the others... as long as we get money, power and electricity from Russia"
Well this "little humble" nation gots everythin it needs... What else does it need? Or let's better say.. want..??
Well the good thing is that Finland is not like USA which wants more and more though it has everything it NEEDS and plus some extra profits.

God where is this world going?? Anywayyyyyy ...
Only that this fuckin plastic nation pisses me off lately.. and I'm not the only one... So me and my (nerd, goood gooood) friend have decided that we are off... ByeBye self-centered country... England here we come.. I don't know exactly what we are gonna do there.. but I rather be a poor junkie than sufferin here!!!!!
This is rebellion against tradiotions... everythin Finland has built is crap to us. The law and the rules are just some fuckin sputter to us 'cause the want control... Control us .. well fuck off!!

Ohhhhh ... And two nights ago.. I had an inspiration in the middle of the night.. before I went to bed so I made a George W. Bush poem which took me about 2 minutes to write:

G.W.B. = <3

George W. Bush
oh my God push

Push the button for the next war
make it happen oh please quickly!

I can't wait until my brother will die
in your own mind's creation
where you see only thousand terrorists.

Bush, show my your collections!
The collection of your weapons...
How many times more do you have weapons
than Al Qaida has altogether?

How many times have you stepped on us
and ruined your country's dreams?
Georgy tell my your secret recipe of how
you managed to do all this?
Thank you USA for pimpin' my dreams!

Bush, shall we go to the zoo or make some poo?
They all remind me of you ...!! Oh Georgy, FUCK YOU!!

shit

Ohhh.. my previous text was depressing.. life isn't so boooring and bad... well sometimes it sucks.. but it's not my fault. It's that stupid George Bush's and all those stupid fuckin shitting smellin politics' and decision-makers' fault who are chickens, cowards, pansies and greedy little bastards desiring money and bloody power. Fuck!!

Fear

My only fear is fear itself. Fear is formed in my own mind. It feels like my mind has turned against me. I'm alone. I used to be my own protection.. my own haven. I felt I was safe and I could live with myself in peace. Now I can't feel it. I can't protect myself from myself. I know it sounds crazy.. and believe me, it is. I have created my own fears. I know it but still whatever I do, as long as I'm alone I can't help it. I can't escape and when I'm alone I think too much. And when I'm alone I think of everything and make own life a living hell. Still I don't hate myself. I know that I have this problem and I really can't help it. It's not my fault. It has been compised of many years of living.
When I'm alone the fears gets the control of me and fills up my whole mind and body with agony and more fear. When I'm around with someone else I forget about it. I forget that fear is inside me and waits to get out. I don't want to be alone...
That means I'm my own worst enemy and this way I do bad things to myself though I really do nothing else that just think. I have hypochondria. A stupid shitting illness that really sometimes makes my life a living hell. I didn't know I have untill I realized I'm too afraid. Untill I knew I was too afraid of some illnesses that are not possible to happen or unlike to happen to me. Again I can't help it. Luckily I'm not on my own though I feel I don't get enough support or people don't take me seriously enough. I have hope. I know that I won't have this for the rest of my life so I can fight and fight against it no matter what.

2008

Again a long period without writtin anything.. again it can be explained by a friend who came from Greece for the Christmas holidays. Though I didn't write I had many days and times I wanted to write to this blog (though unlikely no one would read it). Different issues and topics came to my mind... but I had a friend next to me 24/7 and that makes some things more difficult. We had a great time. We did lot of things like we went to Turku and Helsinki and saw different things.. but I think summer would have been better.. warm.. In summer you don't have to go outside and feel so cold.. in summer you can see more places and have enough courage to go a little bit farer 'cause in winter it's impossible.. in winter in Helsinki you can only run from one shop to the other cause outside it's so cold that if you went for example to Kaivopuisto you would freeze on your way. Thinkin that we almost died when we were going from the railway station to the Tuomiokirkko.. and that's about 500 metres.
I planned that we would be more with friends while she would be here.. but in the end we only person that was willing to see us was Johanna. We spent the New Year at Johanna's home and we had such a great time .. really..!! I have never had so much fun in Finland at such time. So I think that the New Year was a succees.

Anyway.. Now my friend is gone... It feel kind of strange 'cause I got used havin a friend with me everywhere I got for two weeks, speakin Greek and have more things to do. When she left I felt empty and sad cause I was alone again.. and I knew that I had to go back home to mum, soon go to school( though it has its own goods ;) ) and I would be alone again and I wouldn't have anyone here next by me to talk to when I needed to... It doesn't mean that I don't have anyone to talk to. I have.. but very few. To mum I feel I can't talk about everythin. She wouldn't understand all of them but only the usual simple ones. To those few I can talk to.. i can really say everything... straightly how the world sucks and how I hate livin in Finland. I could never say these things to mum or to my sister.

School start on Monday. I wish I could go back and relive this holiday without anyone. I feel tired.. like I didn't really rest though it was a fortnight holiday. I didn't sleep well and feel mentally exhausted as well. Maybe when the days get brighter and nature will Bloom again I'll feel better and more alive.
I hope I'll go to Greece in February cause I really need to see dad... AND TURBONEGRO IS COMIN TO FINLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!And the best part is that I'm not goin alone.. Johanna promised to come with me.. I'm really really thankful.