Public suicide

Today I'm gonna commit a public suicide in front of the school... well we will be in the church singin some crap song... Wham's song called Last Christmas
Ok .. the only reason I accepted to sing is that in our group we have a girl which can sing very well.. and at last she promised to sing with us.. in some parts
I mean .. we suck.. ok.. i suck.. i hate my voice.. we all do
But we have a guitar.. then there is the piano.. and a traditional Finnish instrument called Kantele.. Well.. i can live with it.. I imagine if it was a solo.. without instruments..
Well the crowd can kill us then.. or me.. or there's gonna be a huge riot.. people will go crazy... and they are gonna destroy the whole church.. Ok.. It's gonna be over at 10 p.m... And tomorrow begin the Christams holidays.. !!

A wisedom tooth

Arrghh.. Again.. I went to watch the news .. and what did I find: YK: Nuorille liian vähän työtä tarjolla, Israelin ilmaiskuissa kuoli jihadin jäseniä, Israelin ilmaiskuissa kuoli jihadin jäseniä, Kosovon serbit osoittivat mieltään, Lumimyrsky sekoitti Espanjan (?????)...
I hate this. Well today there were more political news than before but still. There was no good news. Ok, I know that they don't really tell the good news but still .. very depressing
I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS
I really hate these stuff. Sometimes just tryin' to be optimistic is very hard... especially in dark December's days.

Animals and nature suffer, people die, people suffer, people kill each other .. And they still go on... why?? Because of revenge. The other did somethin to one's family and now he wants them to pay back. When did this start? What was the first thing that someone did and this revenge circle started rollin' and rollin' around?
Laboratory studys tell us how the TV has a huge impact on us or how young people get easier depressed. Really? Why doesn't someone study what kind of impact does global warming have on us (mentally) or does the idea that young people see the world more clearly that the adults influence on youngsters' depression.. (I still don't mean that adults don't have depression)

It's just a theory.

People may see that there's something wrong and maybe even find the reason why but sometimes they just won't do those things. They solve those little things that can be solved quickly but those big issues are just too much. People say they are wise and intelligent but they won't act quickly enough when it really is the time to. Maybe money has something to do with it and power which a human being desires. People act in different situations like it fits them best. Of course there are exceptions, I'm not insisting that all people are greedy.





btw:


There is this question somewhere which asks: If you were put in a room with a famous person for a day, who would that be?
There are many different options: Johnny Depp, Paris Hilton, Elijah Wood etc etc...And there was of course Bush. I would want him to be Bush. Really! Not that I like him and I wouldn't assure you that he would come back alive but I really want to know his theories. Why is he actin' like that (although it must be the lust of more power and money)? I would want to discuss about things... and in the end hit him with something hard. In the end only one of us would come back alive 'cause I couldn't live with the idea that I had lost my opportunity to do something that many people and I desire to do.


This just came up into my mind...

Destruction

Days pass. Nothing happens... Christmas is near but I don't feel it. And the nature isn't celebrating. It's almost Cristmas and I see no snow. At this moment there is nothing in this world that makes me very happy expect my family and friends. Now I'm going through that moment when you don't know where you belong. My head full of questions and I try to find the answers. One month ago I was sure what I wanted, I was positive and happy but some things have changed. I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do. I have discovered some new things about myself. Now I know I'm a hypochondric and finally I've made up my mind: I don't believe in God. This issue has been a problem to me for the last year or somethin'. Now I know.
The world is so depressing. When watching the news ... All news are bad... wars, terrorism, fear, murders... So much hate in this world. Humanity for example... What good have we done? Saved animal spieces? Those animal became endangered because of us... We destroyed their living places... We are destroying ever single rain forest. Yes! We saved the Asian elephant... from ourselves. We are causin' global warming and causing a huge destruction. Destroy everything we have DONE.. destroying ourselves... our world... What good has the humanity done.. Really? Has it done more good things to this world or bad? Dunno... This is just how i feel right now.. When the spring comes I'll be more optimistic.. but now we are going the darkest season here up north.. so..

One year has passed...

One year has passed.. but the pain is still there. They say that time heals all wounds.. but I disagree. The pain goes nowhere. It's there but you just forget it.
You were ten years in my life. We grew up together. Ten years... They passed so fast ... too fast.. now you're gone and nothing will bring you back.
I wish I could turn back... Go back and change the past... Change that freeky day when we lost you. I wish I could go back and spend some time with you. Say goodbye.

One year ago you took your last breath.. you run for the last time happily and freely.. now your work here is done... Now you can sit on a cloud and look at the world underneath.
It kills me when i know that I will never ever see you again. I can't see your sad cute eyes... Stroke you, hug you and kiss you on the head.
I hurts when I know that I can never again run with you to the beach and play with you for hours.
I never got to say goodbye. If I only knew...
Do you remember the last time I saw you? Do you remember what I promised you? I remember... I'll keep my promise... You'll see.

I hope the man that killed you is sorry now. I hate him so much. How on earth can someone make a so big mistake? How can someone do such things? If he was an amateur why did he shoot? Why did no one stop him? That jurk... I hope he feels bad.. He didn't even apologize!!
But even if I accused him nothing would bring you back.

Even though you left, you left all those memories. You were a big part of my life.. A big part of my heart. You left and you took that piece away. All those memories... Happy memories. Remember when we were both little and we run together at the beach? Remember how I tought you those little tricks and how many things you tought me...? We were the youngsters of the family. The babies.
I remember when someone was eating something you went next to him and begged for it. You had this look that no one resisted. You were in every part of my life. You witnessed them. The divorce, the sorrow when the family broke...
You were a friend. You comforted us when we were unhappy. I remember when I was leaving back to Finland... It was the last night.. You knew that I was leaving. You came to me... You put your head on my knees and looked me deep in the eyes.
You understood us. I've never seen a so smart dog. You were like a human. Everyone said it. We had a connection... Now that's gone too..
I remember when we came from Finland.. you peed because you were so glad that we came.

I wish I could see you for one more time. Just once... One minute... So I could hug you and say goodbye... Tell you how much I love you.. And how much I've missed you!!! You would sway your tail and smile...

I miss you bark. I miss the way you swayed your tail. I miss how rolled on the sand. I miss how you begged for some ice cream when I was eating. I miss your look!
I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU, I MISS YOU....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

R.I.P. Bella <3
26.11.2006

Global warming

My favourite subject to argue about. A phenomenon that half of the world doesn't belive that is happening and if they do ... they don't really act in any way... Again there are these few people who have devoted their lives studying it and trying to spread the message of (the comming) destruction to the world.
Why don't people believe? I think that deep inside people believe in global warming but they just won't admit it to themselves 'cause they're too scared to face it. People want to believe that everything is fine and nothing is wrong. They live in big perfect dreams, protecting themselves and turn their backs to the truth but when/if this destruction comes.. they will be terribly sorry that they wasted their lives in dreams of fiction.

I believe that global warming is happening. I believe it's true 'cause I have seen proofs and I can really see the world changing as well. I mean, is it normal to have 50 celcius degrees in summer ... in Europe? Is it normal to have lightnings in a creepy dark autumn morning when the weather hasn't yet got warm? No, it isn't. I wouldn't wonder if we hadn't any snow again this Christmas.
I try. I try to tell people, I try to convince them of what's really happening and I've made some improvement. I know that in the end when I'm old (and IF nothing big has been done and global warming will be still getting worse) I can be proud... I can sit down and say "Well, I tried!"

I really don't know about the rest of the world but slowly I can see that something has been done about this situation. Finland has taken a step to a better future. I can see it everywhere: people talk about it, it's in the news, films, there are TV programs which discuss about how to be more green and save more energy. The world is gradually waking up and people open their eyes. Somewhere else in the world I can't see any progress...
One thing is starting to be true: there really IS global warming. Though we know, we do nothing and if we do.. not fast enough...
I think it's stupid that there are people who are still able to say that there is no global warming.
There are hurricans, floods, drought, tsunamis etc... everywhere in the world ..All those hurricanes in the US.. but still many Americans won't admit it. There are proofs.. many proofs.. enough proofs, but no.. that's not enough for them. You could think that if your house was destroyed by a huge hurricane you would realize some important things. Think of Africa where people are dying every single minute.. one after another.. they have to suffer the consequences of our actions. The biggest effects of global warming are happening there... around the equator...

Though the world is making a progress the speed is too slow. We have to act now and quicker.. We have no privileges to say that we can deal with it tomorrow... Things must be done quickly and the problems of the future have to be solved and we all have to act. Not just the politcs, the president or the king. Of course the changes will effect everyone.. the people, the politics and the economy.. If we acted now we would waste less money than if we wasted money to global warming's concequences later. At this moment the world has spent more money against fake terrorism than fighting against the actual problem: global warming... Does this tell anything to you?
If the we don't act, the consequences will be too dramatic to imagine... I don't want to live in a demolished world.

Sid & Nancy

I made this video one week ago. I read few books and I watched a film (Sid & Nancy) which told a lot of the relationship between Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. I really liked it. A cruel end.

They met at a party. The fell in love and they went everywhere together. Expect Nancy couldn't go to the Sex Pistols tour in the US... (Sid was the bassist of the Sex Pistols at that time)

Later they moved to NYC.. they lived in a hotel called Chelsea. One day Nancy was found in the room's toilet and she had been stabbed in her stomach. They claim that Sid murdered her.. but I believe that even if he really did it he didn't do it on purpose. They had been using drugs and those can have a huge effect. Few months after Nancy's death Sid tried to make a suicide but he didn't succeed.. later he died of a heroin overdose. A sad love story :(

R.I.P. Sid & Nancy

The Future

9 years, ... 7 years ...5 years... 3 years left. Three years.. Three years and I will be free! I have been waiting for six bloody years and two thirds of the trip is done. I have school almost 2½ years left and then I will leave Finland forever. I will visit Finland but I'll never live in this country again. I want to go somewhere else.. Far away .. Maybe back to Greece or to England. I really don't know yet... I have thought of going to England first .. Study there and make a career and when I'm ready and I have a fine occupation I could go back to Greece.

I want to leave now. Sometimes being patience is frustating but I'm trying to be positive and optimistic because I know the future will be better and there's going to be more filling in it. I think about the future everyday .. I make plans, change plans or even make whole new plans and forget the old ones... But now I have a nice idea what I want the future to be like and what I want to do but dreams can change... so can life.
I have few friends who wait until they can turn away from their present lifes and make a new ones somewhere else in the world. All of us have thought going to England and start there... but no one knows maybe some of us will start somewhere else.
I like being young .. I really do and I don't want to grow up too fast and be less adolescent everyday but I know that growing up is the easiest and the fastest way to make a difference.

I really don't hate Finland. I just don't like it. First when I moved to Finland I hated almost every single thing that had to do with Finland. For example the forests or the lakes... If Finland played a game against some other country I would be with the other side.. Against Finland. Years have passed now and life is looking better. I don't hate Finland and when Finland is playing against someone .. I'm on Finland's side.. (expect Greece, UK etc..) and usually it is Sweden or USA... Years ago I wasn't proud of Finland. If Finland did somethin good I never felt any little tiny touch of proudness in me like I felt when Greece did something.

Sometimes I think what would have happened if I was still living in Greece.. Would I want to leave? Would I want to study abroad or live in some other country? Would I have the same dreams?
I really don't know. Sometimes I think that I wouldn't have wanted but sometimes I think otherwise. But one thing I'm sure.. I would never have wanted to live in Finland. Never. I just don't fit in here. The people are different ... The culture is sometimes so strange. No.

All in all I'm happy now. I don't want to grow too fast and I want to enjoy my younger years. I'm waiting for the future and hoping that nothing dramatic will happen so I can live a wonderful life when I'm ready. When I'm free to spread my wings and fly to the horizon...

Hersonissos

I miss Greece!! I want to go there so badly... I'm dreaming of Greece almost everyday. I miss summer... The hot days, the sea, the smell of Crete, the smell of our house.. the humidity...

I miss Hersonissos... A little town in Crete wich is situated next to the sea.

I miss the days when I woke up at 11 and dad brought me some breakfast. Then I would call my friends and we would go to the beach to enjoy the sun, have fun and swim in the refreshing sea. In the evening we would go out to a cafeteria or walk back and forth in Hersonissos' beach street which is full of life at night. Hersonissos' beach street... Full of bars, cafeterias, all kind of restaurants, shops and tourists from all countries (England, Ireland, Holland, France etc...). Once I even saw two Finns on a street (they were so lost). Almost all the tourists in Hersonissos are young people who come there to have fun and wild moments with their old and new friends...

I miss my father, my friends, my dogs, my relatives... I miss the whole country...
Summer come quickly !!

Bella

Today I thought a lot of my dog. She was a black 9-year-old female dog. She came to our family when I was five years old. She was a little puppy and we grew up together. She learned many things from me and I learned many things from her. We had the same habits. We went to places we shouldn't ...

Bella. That was her name. A beautiful name... As the name tells.

She loved hunting. She was a good hunter . Almost everytime she went hunting she cought a rabbit.

We used to go to the beach. She loved when someone took a piece of wood or a stone and threw it to her so she could run and catch it. Dad threw it in the sea and she would swim to get the bottle or the piece of wood.

I remember the last time I saw here. I was in Greece. I took her to the beach. The beach was empty because it was winter and there were no tourists. That's what we did that day. First I found an empty plastic bottle. I put sand in it so it would be heavy and I could through it far.

I threw it... But not far enough. I wanted to through it very far and I couldn't.

I promised to Bella that next time I come back to Greece I would through that piece of wood very far. I promised.

But there was no next time... She died one month after that. She was hunting. She caught a rabbit and one haunter was shooting the rabbit but he shot Bella. I'm was ungry. I swore that if I see that hunter I would hit him and hard. I saw him this summer... On my last night... I kicked his chair when I left that place... I tried to curse him in my mind... Dunno if it worked.

All these pictures are from the last time I saw her. After a while dad came too. He threw a piece of wood into sea and Bella swam to get it.

I really miss her. I think of her every day. Sometimes I cry. She was my good friend and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. She wasn't even burried so I could visit her at her grave. I remember the night i heard of her death. It was my birthday. The worst birthday ever. I was so shocked that I forgot to read to the French exam which I had the next day. I couldn't tell to my friends. And when i suddenly told them I cried.

But I know wherever she is.. she's happy.
R.I.P my Bella. Miss you!!

we ain't gonna make it

Today was a great day. School started at 8 o'clock and I finished at 12. We had an art show today. There was poetry, improvisation and music. First there was a girl who performed a poem. It was a beautiful poem and she performed it very well but maybe the poem was too long. Then there were three couples who improvised a little show.
The audience could decide who those couples were and where they were. The first couple was a plastic surgeon and a police in a sausage factory. It was fun... They really made us laugh. The second couple were an environmental activist and F1 driver. That was really cool. I wonder how they can just make up all those things. But that performance was the best. The third couple was the cat woman and our school's caretaker. LOL it was great. If I was on the stage (and should improvise) I would freeze and definitely no one would laugh.
After the improvisation one girl played the guitar and sang. It was really relaxing in a way. After her there were two girls who sang (along with the piano) a song which one of those girls had composed. In the end there was six boys ( two singers, two guitarists, a bassist and a drummer) who sang a punk rock ( I dunno) song... They didn't sing well but they rocked. They had dressed like women and their moves were very pervert.. And the song played in my mind for hours.....no.. we ain't gonna make it... anymore...

1.

I'm always doing something I shouldn't... Now I should be in my room doing my homework and studying but here I am... I just made my own blog. Anyway. That's life.