Lost without

The feeling of failure. The feeling of not getting something that you NEED.. not something you just want. The feeling when you feel that you have the worst luck... that you are the unluckiest person in the world. When you are waiting for something so much, so hard.. and you are not getting it. When you pray for getting something and though you think and you are sure that you have achieved it with all that hard work and waiting.. you don't. That moment's biggest wish doesn't become true. Feeling blue. Confused. And a fear that something stupid and unwanted will happen... That my heart will get broken. I'm afraid that I will see the scene which is my worst fear right now.

Maybe I shouldn't be so stressed about this... but can't help it..
These feelings I hate. Right now I'm feeling all those. I know I sound stupid and very ansty but can't help my feelings. I hope tomorrow I feel better.

How To Become A REAL Finn

Finland.
A big country up north. Media has written a lot about it at least in Europe...and Asia. The are many reasons... Finland won the Eurovision song contest in 2006 and hosted the show one year later. Some popular bands are from Finland like Him, Rasmus and now Negative has popped out and makes a great success in Asia at least. Also because Finland has a big role in the EU last year. Ok, Finland also has Santa Claus and other strange and "fascinating" things like big forests and thousands of lakes. Though Finland is a big country geographically there are just 5 million people living mainly in the South of the country. I was shocked when I discovered that there are people around the world that like Finland and want to come here... Finland and tourists? Well ... yeah.. Many tourists come to Finland but is this going to increase?
Anyway. Today when I was coming home and I was sitting it the bus I took my notebook and wrote down some ideas of How To Become A Real Finn... I was looking around me and saw those bored little Finnish faces and got the idea.
So here is something that you can start with if you really wanna become a Finn:

Here are some rules and things you must know and do first:

1. You gotta have the nationality of Finland. If you have it then great ... if you don't move to Finland or marry some Finnish drunk and get one.

2. You have to learn Finnish. The Finns are proud of their country and their language. Everyone should be able to speak the language of the country they are living in.

3. Learn how to swear in Finnish. Every Finn knows how to swear and curse when needed. The words are powerful and everyone can express their feelings by using them. You can start with the words "perkele" which is the best and e.g. "saatana".

4. If you are a man you have to get a big belly. Go to the nearest pub and ask for a big portion of the best and greasiest beer. If you already have it then GOOD JOB! You are one step closer of becoming a great Finn!! The style of your hair is free: Long, short, greasy, clean ... You see all kind of hair in Finland. But don't dye them with extreme colours if you are more than 30 years old.

p.s. You gotta buy a big XXL t-shirt when you have a big belly that says: "I love Finland"

5. If you are a woman/girl you have to dye your hair BLOND. The longer the better. It must also be cute, neat and well brushed. The older women mustn't dye their hair blond. Otherwise it will make them shine in the crowd and that's a bad thing! Finnish people may think they are crazy. So older women can just cut their hair short and wear the ugliest hat they find.

p.s. Blue eyes prefered

6. You must not shine in the crowd! People may think you are stupid or they will guess that you really aren't a genuine Finn.

7. Silence is gold. You have to learn to keep your mouth shut as much as possible. Finns are a quiet society and they don't damage their vocal cords if not needed. They respect silence and they expect people to be quiet. In the bus you shan't talk to those who sit next to you. Whoooops!! That's a big mistake. In the shop you just make your stuff but ask as little help as possible. And if you speak then you must speak quietly so the lady ahead of you won't hear.

8. Pride. Finnish are very proud of their history. They still remember every single part of every war and how proud and strong they were. Every year the make dozens of new films which tell about the same war but in different perspectives. They are proud of everything they have done. If they win a competition it will be the number one topic in the news and they are going to talk about it for the next few years. Winning is important. When they compete they have to win otherwise they are bad and they try to find different things that went wrong. I mean… Losing wasn’t their fault… The Finns will gladly talk about their history and everything that is Finnish and popular in other countries. So you have to learn a lot about the Finnish history before you can claim to be a true genuine Finn.

So here are the most important things you must accept and do if you want to become a true Finn. The society is also split into three categories: the poor, the middle class and the rich. Though in my opinion, a true Finn is either a poor person or a rich manager. So when you become a Finn you will have to choose in which category you want to go.

Let's start with the poor one:

The poor/ the drunk

This is easy to become. Go to a technical school and become a logger or something that is easy to become. Then get a job and a wife. You will soon move to a block of flats and start living a traditional Finnish life. You will watch all the popular shows and series that come on the TV and of course the Tangomarkkinat and the Eurovision. Soon you will make one or two kids. The marriage will hold for a couple of years but then you will become unemployed. Your wife will leave you and take the kids with her. After a lot of trying to get her back she will stop you of meeting her and your kids and in the end she will get a restraining order so you won't be able to go even near to your kids or your wife. After that dramatic point of your life you will find a new good friend: alcohol. You will start drinking and getting some help from the social services. You will start hanging around the nearest shop that sells alcohol and eventually you will move outside of that shop on the bench next to the door. You eat sausages, pizza and all kind of fast food that is cheap and quick to eat. You will become very fat and ill. In the end you are going to die because of a heart failure, big liver damage or some else diseases that are caused with alcohol and fast food.

Rich people

This need lots of hard work and a hell of a good luck. Let's say that it is almost impossible to become rich in Finland unless you were born rich. When you get your way up high on the clouds made of money your life will become easy. You will marry a beautiful woman and you will a built a huge and expensive house (bigger than your neighbour's). Your wife will become pregnant and after few years you will have two kids running and screaming around the house. Your wife will make you breakfast every morning before you go to very ÜBER special and important meetings. She will be waiting for you when you get home. Eventually she will start getting tired with the kids alone at home. She will become fat and the beautiful and neat wife of yours will become an untidy bored housewife. Soon you will find yourself a lover. A beautiful young girl. You will start doing "overtime" at work. After few months/years of secrets your wife will find out what you have been doing (she will get a suspicious call or she will read a message sent by her in your ÜBER new, expensive high technology phone). She will leave you and you will be seeing your kids few times a month. In the end you are going to die in a car crush when you are rushing into a meeting and speaking on the phone at the same time with your second "secret" lover. After your death your children will inherit your money and hate you for the rest of their lives.

So here is some ideas and thoughts of how you will achieve a great happy Finnish life!! After following these instructions you will be ready to call yourself a REAL FINN!!

sit up whole night

Well now the exams are finally gone. No tests.. I passed the chemistry test.. without any troubles though i was almost sure that i failed it and i had to redo it. I almost didn't sleep last night cuz I was studyin geography.. which actually in the end was worth it. The exam went almost perfectly and I even wrote a two-page essay about weathering. I'm proud cuz it was an area that I really knew a lot about. The side effects of sittin up so late were tiring. The day was a living hell expect some moments.. and just some right!

In the Finnish class I was actually bored that I wrote a poem and a text cursing every single class in my school.. but that's ok.. i like my school but today it seemed to bother me.

The poem is called When Shit Happens

One two
I run into the loo
got some bacteria
and now I got the diaria

I'm fucked
cuz the drugs are packed
too tight to be opened
with all kinds of plastic
isn't it fantastic?

I hate lookin at the mirror
cuz what I see
is not me
I'm thin, nice and young
but I just see a scum

Havin' troubles to succeed
cuz I can't eat
cuz I'm too fat
and I look like a rat

Thinkin' of commitin' a suicide
Shootin' paralyzed
I love to hate
I hate to love
But no can do
expect smellin' some poo



Yeah.. maybe i should really do something developing in those classes.. but really if you are at a situation that you could kill someone to get some sleep.. that kind of poem can really be something small and innocent.
And for tomorrow I need to read about 100 pages of a BOOOORING book... But gotta read it.. cuz we will make some difficult exercises after that and we have to show our works in front of the whole fuckin class.. soo.. yeah.. fucked up .. but everything happens for a reason?? Or does it?? I dunno.. gonna think of that another time then.. but for now.. I'm off!!