My only fear is fear itself. Fear is formed in my own mind. It feels like my mind has turned against me. I'm alone. I used to be my own protection.. my own haven. I felt I was safe and I could live with myself in peace. Now I can't feel it. I can't protect myself from myself. I know it sounds crazy.. and believe me, it is. I have created my own fears. I know it but still whatever I do, as long as I'm alone I can't help it. I can't escape and when I'm alone I think too much. And when I'm alone I think of everything and make own life a living hell. Still I don't hate myself. I know that I have this problem and I really can't help it. It's not my fault. It has been compised of many years of living.
When I'm alone the fears gets the control of me and fills up my whole mind and body with agony and more fear. When I'm around with someone else I forget about it. I forget that fear is inside me and waits to get out. I don't want to be alone...
That means I'm my own worst enemy and this way I do bad things to myself though I really do nothing else that just think. I have hypochondria. A stupid shitting illness that really sometimes makes my life a living hell. I didn't know I have untill I realized I'm too afraid. Untill I knew I was too afraid of some illnesses that are not possible to happen or unlike to happen to me. Again I can't help it. Luckily I'm not on my own though I feel I don't get enough support or people don't take me seriously enough. I have hope. I know that I won't have this for the rest of my life so I can fight and fight against it no matter what.
1 comment:
It's pretty hard to imagine your situation for me (for example), but I'm sure you will make it. I don't want to say anything too clishe, life is so clishe itself, but I hope you will figure out with it. If there's anything I can do for you, just open your plagued mouth.
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